Where have you been?

Here. I've been here. Sort of.

I've debated saying anything. I'm still not sure about it....but I suppose it'll help to get it off my chest. To let people know they aren't alone...and to let myself know that I'm not alone. Perhaps. Or maybe this will end up deleted before it exists for long. We'll see.

I've jokingly referred to the past month or so as an existential crisis. I am a woman on a mission...to get myself worked the fuck out. On top of all the gym chaos, which has led to some personal decisions on my own training and long term plans, the rest of my life has been pitched into disarray.

I haven't been truly happy at my job since I started it. There's no one particular reason why, just a general sense of meh. My staff is wonderful, my boss is great, and I love working with the kids. On the surface, it's ideal. But still, the meh persists. Then, a few weeks ago, the thought started to creep up. And finally the words left my mouth - "I don't want to be a social worker anymore". That may be one of the most terrifying sentences I have ever uttered. I am a social worker. At the heart of my being, I am a helper. I love people. I wholeheartedly believe that if I can do something to make someone's life better, no matter how small, that's what I am to do. Compassion and kindness are not just ideals, they're fundamental to a good life.

It's hard to put into words why this thought continues to persist. Logically, I know that there are good people. I know that the work we do is worth it. I know it's necessary to push through for the sake of those little bits of help and progress. It's hard to do this job and not occasionally think about how terrible humans can be. But usually you deal with that...process it, reality check yourself, focus on the positive, and carry on. Unfortunately, I don't think this is based solely in logic. The emotional end of it all is looking like burnout. How do I explain this? It's difficult - to tell you the details of the things that ping around my brain could be disturbing to the general public. The things you see and hear in this field leads to an everyday "normal" work day that doesn't exist outside of mental health work.

I'm just so tired. Tired of the trauma and the terrible stories. Tired of seeing the dark side of humanity - I could tell you stories that would give you nightmares for months. Tired of patiently explaining over and over and over again to parents the reason why they can't take their dangerously ill child home after one night. Tired of patiently explaining over and over and over to other parents why they must, in fact, pick up their child once they are discharged. Tired of watching budding personality disorders take shape. Tired of watching kids at the mercy of the adults in their life get blamed for being "terrible", when they are merely functioning in the way their world has taught them to. Tired of feeling frustrated with those same kids when they act out for the same reasons. Last week, a parent started discussing abandonment as an option, and I actually felt myself deflate. Listening to an adult debate the merits of taking the hit of a fine and 60 days in jail for the sake of not dealing with a child anymore is soul sucking. While it's not the worst thing I've heard, it certainly one of the significant final straws.

All this, plus I sit at my desk. look around, and think, "This is it? This is life". No. It's not. There's something more. I don't know what. But this isn't it. Not for me.

I have no safe space right now. The gym used to be my haven. Training was my therapy. But I haven't been in weeks after all of the messy shit, and I frankly don't even want to be there. It only brings up more sadness and anger and frustration walking through the door. Not having that outlet along with such general overwhelming meh....that's a bad combo.

It's been a bad few weeks. I've resorted to pseudo-hermit status as self protection. I've sat with the discomfort and had a lot of moments of anxiety and despair, and let myself wallow when I needed to. I had to open up to a few very close people, because just finally admitting to what was going on and how I've been feeling has been a release in itself. That was probably the hardest part. I'm self aware enough to process on my own, but being potentially vulnerable is not my strong point. For many reasons.

In the past few days, I've decided to take control of what I can. Baby steps and little changes, just to keep it from being overwhelming. Focusing on the little bits right here right now has helped to manage the worries and anxiety about it all. Usually, my chosen creative outlet is writing. But in times like this, I find myself blocked and only grow more anxious trying to force myself to write. I don't have the attention span to read. And watching tv/movies seems to allow my brain to keep on ticking away on whatever wild rollercoaster it wants to be on. So, I took up painting. It's soothing. I love mixing colors. I love laying them down on canvas. I don't have deep artistic skill for realistic paintings. I've probably got the art skills of a kindergartener. But it makes me happy. And when I'm painting, I'm right there in that moment. No worries, no chaos, just....me and the paint. It doesn't matter if no one else ever sees what I produce. It doesn't matter if they do see it and think it's ridiculous. It pleases me. It brings me peace.

I have also been systematically paring down the negative shit I run across daily. Being super sensitive to things really makes it glaringly obvious how much bullshit you tolerate every day. Reducing this has been as simple as paring down my Facebook friends list....if someone posts garbage day after day, instead of "unfollowing" them or just trying to skim past it, I unfriend them. That doesn't apply to "bad day" posts or necessarily things I don't agree with - it's the ignorant shit, the racist garbage, the junk that does absolutely nothing to add anything of value to anyone's life. My close friends aren't like this, and anyone worth having around and having contact with doesn't do that shit either. It has also involved not feeding into someone's negative attitude. If someone tends to dive off in that direction, I take a deep breath, don't get drawn in, and stay as neutral as possible. This seems to be pretty effective and keeps me from internally escalating with them.

It's not perfect. But here I am. Working my way through. Eventually I'll get the gym situation sorted. Eventually I'll get back to a training routine. The summer contest is still just fine and has several contingency plans...so soon enough I'll be immersed in planning for that. But I'll also keep a balance. I'll figure out what I want to do with my career. I'll keep on painting. And go have adventures. This weekend I finally experienced a few good days in a row. Today was the first work day in weeks that was good. Tomorrow may be as good, it may be a fight, but either way....it'll be. And I'll handle it.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

My gym is going through a change. A massive change.

Most humans don't like change. Even when they want it, they're still scared of it. And when they don't want it....well, just watch the battle ensue. This particular change has been odd in that I'm in a weird position of watching it from both the outside and the inside. And so, what follows, is my attempt to make sense of it. To sort out my thoughts. From my own perspective. I speak for no one and I don't presume to know what others think or feel. But I can express my own thoughts and feelings, because a little processing never hurt anyone.

I don't know all the details of exactly why the situation kicked off or how it ended up becoming what it is. It's not my business. Frankly, I don't want to know. All I would end up getting is one side or the other, which only serves to be divisive. The truth is always somewhere in the middle. Humans are fallible and shit happens. So whatever the reasons, here we are. There's a new "head coach" and the building is undergoing some renovations. There's a requirement for programming and certifications. There are new personalities in the mix. And old personalities. And all kinds of emotions. A perfect powder keg waiting to explode.

The problem is not so much the fact that it has exploded....it's more that it's become an ongoing, slow-motion explosion. People have very strong feelings on all sides about what is going on. And they are expressing them. Sometimes not in a professional manner, sometimes not in a helpful manner, but definitely expressing them because that's what we humans do when we feel out of control, wronged, angry, and any other host of negative emotions.

And so, some folks - like myself - have found themselves in a funky spot. You see, many people have opted to leave the gym. That happens. It's completely understandable. It doesn't feel the same. The vibe is different. The people are different. People don't want the change and/or don't like how it's been delivered or implemented. There's bad blood between people. All reasons I can logically understand for why people are angry and need to vent it out. All legit reasons to not be around. You have to do what's best for you, and I'm certainly not going to judge anyone for it.

But those of us who are still there - what few, for now, as the change continues and people continue to bid adieu - for whatever reasons we are (I'll get to mine soon), are left to hear and see what others feel. We listen to angry feelings spilling out in person, as everyone tries to make sense of what's going on. We watch emotions go by on social media - some expressed eloquently and thoughtfully, some couched as "jokes", some splattered in comments like jagged bits seething with anger and hurt. Some expressing issue with particular people. Some mocking the gym as a whole.

I appreciate the genuine discussions I've had with some people about it - folks who are really just sad or missing what used to be, who are looking to recapture that, who feel backed into a corner and are sorting themselves out. What becomes awkward is the lashing out. The "jokes". The blanket judgements on the people still there as a whole. Because, though people will say "Oh, but I don't mean you"....come the fuck on. What the hell do you say in response to these things when you are still there? Still part of it? To people who you consider friends and certainly have absolutely zero ill will toward and would still jump in a heartbeat to help if they needed it? The answer: you say nothing. You just sit back and watch it go by. Let people vomit their feelings out any time it comes up. Because they are upset and hurt and angry and they are your friends. So you tolerate it. Until the day comes when you finally get tired of the negativity and the same old damn conversation - then you draw a kind but necessary boundary of asking them not to talk about it with you anymore and you unfollow their social media until the chaos dies down.

Because eventually you have to let shit go. You cannot embrace change - whatever that might look like - and move forward if you're still living in the past, still anchored by the negative feelings.

Why, then, am I still there? I've been thinking this over a lot. And here's what it comes down to:

I am an athlete.

Bear with me here...there's reasons I state it this way. It took a long, long time for me to start thinking of myself as an athlete. I still have miles and miles to go in my sport. I am an amateur. And will likely always be an amateur. I do strongman because it makes me happy. I enjoy it. It's fun. But I've not thought of myself as an athlete until lately. It took going through competitions....and nationals...to finally come around to it. So much of strength sports (and many other sports, for that matter) is a mental game. I have goals. I make it priority. I manage my nutrition, my training, much of my free time...around my sport. If I don't think of myself as an athlete, I'm doing myself a disservice in truly getting into the mental state I need to be to give my training and competitions 100%. That doesn't mean strongman is my life. It does mean that I make it priority.

My top priority in the gym is training. I've long trained alone, whether it was bodybuilding or strongman. The only time I trained with others regularly was when I did CrossFit, because it's built upon the community aspect. Don't get me wrong...I love the community aspect. I love being around others with similar goals and motivation and interests. It's necessary. And I cite one of the main reasons I continue to love strongman is because of the community and the family I've gained there. But training time is training time. It's not social time. In order to do the work, to meet my own personal goals, I have to put in the time. I have many other hours in the day to be social. I have those handful of hours every week to engage in the process. Those are sacred to me. That's my time.

Therefore, I don't give a shit about training partners. I don't care what the gym looks like. It makes no difference to me if I'm lifting in a gym or a garage, whether the walls are white or pink or polka dot, if I have buddies there to say hello to. What does matter to me is whether I have the equipment I need. Whether I can get in when I need to, access the weights and implements, be able to do what I need to do.

I make up my people time by meeting with the strongman group. That's my chance to interact with others in the sport, both established and new. And I cherish that as much as I do my training time. But I still care more that they have the equipment needed than what our space looks like. The people make the difference. Though this is the reason many have decided to go - this is part of why I've decided to stay.

You see, the second reason I remain - my loyalty lies, first and foremost, with my strongman group. I am wherever they need me to be. This is a central location for everyone and has the basic equipment needed. They have become part of my family. And to leave them, to unsettle everything this group has steadily built over the past year, because of my own personal things.....that would be selfish. And unnecessary. We have been offered the opportunity to remain and grow. The support required to continue building on the foundation we have already made. So....here we are. Here we stay.

Some people need the social aspect. They want the atmosphere. That is their priority. It's completely legitimate and those folks should absolutely be somewhere that meets those requirements for them. If we're going to speak in cliches, everyone is on their own journey. They have to do whatever it is that makes them happy.


Though I despise the lack of punctuation and run-on sentence...the sentiment remains true.

I'm still not sure why I'm writing this all out. I suppose I just need to get it off my chest. Whether people like it...if they agree or disagree...it is what it is. So I'll continue training...building up strongman in any way possible...supporting my friends and being an ear for them whenever needed...promoting my contests and welcoming new folks into the family...having adventures...doing all the things that make me happy.

Things will change and change some more. Life will carry on. And we'll all just keep on doing the best we can with what we have.

And The Tank Carries On

I train alone. I mean, I'm in a gym full of people. But I have no training partners on a regular basis. Often, I prefer it this way. I like to focus on my training, without worrying about what anyone else is doing. I take every session seriously. Not life and death seriously - I've reiterated several times that this is all just amateur strongman and not the be-all-end-all of life. But the kind of serious that one should be when one has a top priority goal to improve and get stronger.

But my bff/strongman sister and I also made an agreement to try to train together 1-2 times a month. After all, being on opposite sides of the state is only a hassle if we get hit with a blizzard. We learned earlier last year that we click as training partners....we can be social and have fun, while still staying on task and focusing on the workout. And when the going gets rough, we each know what the other needs to hear to get her head straight.

I can be an asshole when I'm training....I'm of the thought that when hands are on a bar/implement, mouths are shut. I get annoyed with dicking around and frustrated when people seem to be taking their sweet ass time for no reason at all. And I could damn near explode if someone is playing the humble brag game or has to constantly one-up everyone training with them. Therefore, I find it easiest to train on my own and spend time around others as either a coach or cheerleader. Conveniently, Jessie has a very similar working style.

Also rather convenient for this plan: we share a coach. He was more than happy to work with us on this. We give him a heads up for planned training together days, and he sends us the same programming for that day. So this weekend, we got to set the wheel in motion and train together once again.

We busted ass through log clean and presses, after minimal-ish bitching about it. We had to run a stone series through carry and loads.....awkward, but a surprisingly fun challenge. Yoke runs felt great. It was only the second time in this training cycle I've been back under one, but every bit of it felt solid and just clicked. We closed out with a burner of 200 barbell curls. In between sets we shook out our arms and laughed and commiserated on how bad we'd have t-rex arms tomorrow. After training, we went shopping and ate. Through it all, we talked about life and joked around and got in that necessary recharging time you only get when you spend time with certain people. All-in-all, a day that was needed both physically and mentally.

I've now rounded out 5 weeks of training. Heading into week 6, I'm feeling damn good. Most days in the gym are nothing epic. Just go in, put in the work, and go home to eat. I'm not slamming PRs every week. Some of the movements are still a struggle after so much time off (I'm looking at you, dips). But I'm seeing progress. Every week is a little better.  I don't fatigue as fast. I'm not wrecked after a workout, just a little sore in the appropriate places when DOMS hits. My numbers are steadily increasing. I'm trusting the programming and trying to appreciate the process. Really putting trust in a program and following it to a T can be difficult when you're newer to strength sports. I've noticed it as a significant indicator of maturing in the sport, in both myself and others. It's hard to resist the allure of constantly maxing and doing the "fun lifts"....the grind of steady progress and struggling with the lifts you suck at (and that often aren't quite as fun to watch on social media) can screw with your mind. But the longterm payoff is so worth it.

What's made the difference these past few weeks? Investing in food prep for my lunches and gym-night dinners has helped keep me eating not only healthy foods, but also enough calories to fuel training and recovery. It's much easier to take care of breakfast each day, and to only worry about cooking on nights out of the gym and weekends. You don't realize what an effect nutrition has on your body and its physical abilities until you make a change and see the payout.

The other contributing factor? My coach. Brandon is the shit. There are a lot of really fantastic coaches out there. I've had some great ones in the past who I still adore and think very highly of. My current coach not only individualizes my training for my goals and adjusts as necessary.....he has a great sense of humor about it. It makes a world of difference when your personality clicks with someone you're working with on a weekly basis. He doesn't just focus on the lifts...he looks at the big picture. I check in with him about my nutrition. More importantly, he knows how I get in my head and some of the mental blocks I've struggled with. He checks in on these things, is supportive when I need it....and knocks me out of my own head when necessary. Just as not every competition is for everyone, not every coach is for everyone. But I do highly suggest to many people that ask me about programming and training that they check out Lift Big Eat Big and have a chat with Brandon.

And so...onward I go.

The Joy of the Ever-Expanding Tribe

Even those of you who have just recently met me, or who even briefly glanced at my social media, have likely noticed the word "tribe" pop up frequently. I say it/write it/hashtag it often in reference to my people - other women who are athletic, strong, independent. I am a huge advocate of empowering women. That's not even close to being a secret. So why bother writing about it? Because aspects of it have been heavy on my mind lately.

Let me begin by sharing something I wrote as a caption to a photo quote from the Cookie Monster. This was posted to Facebook on Dec 1, 2014:

I had been conditioned over the years - by bad experiences, life, society, shitty human beings - to be inherently wary of other women. They were competition, the enemy, always out to hurt me with ulterior motives. They were not to be trusted and would stab me in the back the minute I turned.

Thankfully, this past year has been a lesson in just the opposite. I have found myself surrounded by a growing group of amazing women. Strong women, in every sense of the word. Like-minded women who are confident, funny, sarcastic, intelligent, unfailingly kind, and a level of supportive of each other (and me) that I have never seen. I am grateful to a point that is impossible to express in mere words. 

The Cookie Monster keeps it simple (as with all the good and true things in life)....and I concur. So, ladies, I want you to know...I would happily share my very last Oreo with any one of you.

I can add, over a year later, that this feeling continues...and has grown tenfold. But lets back up a little first. 

We moved around a lot when I was a kid. Three times during my middle school years alone. It is what it is...life happens and there are plenty of reasons that these were necessary moves. But this led to going to 3 different schools from the beginning of 5th grade to the end of 7th grade. I was an incredibly awkward kid....all gangly limbs, a mass of curly blonde hair, and the kind of crooked teeth that happen when nature blesses you with entirely too many molars for your mouth. I was a bright kid who loved to read and excelled in school. I played violin. I was the eldest child of a single mother who did her absolute damnedest to make sure that we had everything we needed, which means I did plenty of after-school babysitting of my younger siblings.

I wasn't anyone in particular in high school. If I were in a movie, I'd have been credited at the end as High School Student #12. I continued to play in the orchestra, I took Spanish for years, I was in AP classes and NHS and I wrote short stories at a furious pace more nights than not. I had a core group of friends, with a few extras coming and going with each passing year. Every year, we played the group up game....with 3 of us becoming "bffs". And we all know how teenage hierarchies work. Three girls together often means that there are 2 close friends holding a third at arms length at any given time. The pairing shifts with no rhyme or reason. And at some point...you get to be the odd man out. That hurts like a bitch. But that's how many of us learn, as girls and young women, that female friendships go. There's backhanded and passive aggressive bullshit galore. We learn to jump into cliques, to group up, to not trust outsiders. It's a wildly immature way to approach relationships. Fortunately, many of us outgrow this. To some degree. I had a few very close friends through most of my twenties. Save for one friend - who has been a bestie since high school and continues to be one of the few people in this world I would drop everything for at a moment's notice - those friendships have waxed and waned through all of life's changes.

Strength sports were the catalyst for a massive shift in how I relate to other women. First through Crossfit, then through Strongman, I met some amazing women. They were all strong, funny, sarcastic, kindred spirits. No games, no cliques, no bullshit. I had to reconsider my concepts of confidence and support and connections to other women. 

My tribe is comprised of women who lift heavy things. Women who give 100% in training. Women who put as much energy into supporting the other competitors as they do into their own performance. Women who can laugh at themselves. Women who aren't afraid to fail. Women who understand that winning isn't everything and there is no such thing as perfection. Women who are beautiful because they give of themselves and their time and their knowledge freely, without hesitation. These are the people I am drawn to. You don't need a title, an impressive competition record, or even big PRs. You only need to have that spark, that kindness...and actions, my friends, speak far louder than words.

Yes, I have a very core group of women who are my inner circle. They are the ones I commiserate with, joke with, share life experiences with. I hold my personal life tightly, because it is mine and no one else's business. They are the trusted few who know the ins and outs of "Bee"....who share theirs with me. 

But I don't restrict myself to just this core group. If you show up to train at my gym, I will cheer you on. I will give feedback if asked. I will take the time to demonstrate new movements and watch your form and probably crack a joke or two. I will match you in excitement when you PR, when I pile plates on an implement and you move far more weight that you imagined you could, when you finally pick up that sandbag or atlas stone. And if I see you reflect this same excitement toward others....if you're open to trying new things and willing to fail and supportive of those around you.....you're in. You are now part of the tribe. 

This means my tribe continues to expand. At competitions, I support the girls I already know. But I also make a point to say hello, strike up conversation, and cheer on the other competitors. Half the fun at nationals this year was meeting so many awesome new women from near and far. While it's a competition....we all need to keep a couple things in mind: 1) I am going to do as well as my training and preparation allows - Someone else's good or bad day at a contest is not my business. I cannot control it. All I can do is focus on my own effort and performance. Though it is a contest, it's really a competition for myself. Can I continue to improve? Will I go heavier/faster/farther? That's what matters. 2) IT'S AMATEUR STRONGMAN. I mean, truly. I love the sport. I hope to do it for a very long time. But I am not a pro. You are not a pro. We are small peanuts. Strong peanuts...but small ones, nonetheless. 3) There are very few things in life worth being uptight about. This is not one of them. 

There are many women I look up to in this sport. They are impressive athletes and wonderful human beings. And I am not shy about telling them so. One woman in particular knows that she is my "rabbit"...a term borrowed from my running days. She always moves just a little faster and lifts just a little heavier than me. She motivates me to train harder, to push myself. And, unlike the immature view of the past, I have absolutely nothing bad to say about her. I consider her a friend...family, really. I love competing with her because we have fun. I am pumped for her when she wins because she truly deserves it. She is a dedicated athlete and trains hard. She has also sat on the floor with me after a competition when I was in tears, beating myself up for a mistake I made during an event. She has loaned me knee sleeves during a contest. She has invited me repeatedly to train with her.

I have little respect for athletes who aren't like this. Athletes who are mean, back-biting, passive aggressive shit talkers. Athletes who cannot shake a competitor's hand. Athletes who don't cheer on, console, or congratulate others. Athletes who make excuses and minimize others' accomplishments. Because, frankly, I don't care what you can lift. I don't care if you're a pro. I don't care how many people think you're a role model. If your character does not hold up....what's the point? We all peak. And then we decline. No one is on top forever. No one can keep up the PRs and the records and the podium spots. But trust me, if you're a shitty human being, other people will remember that. 

You know what? I just plain don't respect humans who are like this. Forget just "athletes". All humans. Be kind. Be decent. Be compassionate. Don't be an asshole. One day, you just might need that support you've refused others. How would you want to be treated? How would you want your loved ones to be treated?

And so, my tribe....let's carry it all forward. Ignite that spark, fan the flames, and pass that fire along.

Strongwoman: Deadlifts and Carries and Stones, Oh My!

How do you sum up one of the most amazing days ever? I'm not sure I'm even capable of doing so effectively...but let's try. Here's my recap of Jul Valkyrie, the women's only Strongman contest that was held on December 12, 2015 at Detroit Tough. Orchestrated by Yours Truly.

This whole contest came from some harebrained idea that went "Oh, I could do that, that would be fun" after a conversation with a couple friends. I imagined a little contest, maybe 20 competitors, but we'd get sanctioned and make it a fun day. Somehow......it blew up into twice that number. I know there are bigger contests out there, but remember that we're talking about a competition in Michigan in December. Which meant we were stuck indoors. And as much as I adore my gym....it's not exactly big enough for a massive crowd and lots of heavy things moving at the same time. After a brief panic, I realized we'd be able to squeeze on in and be just fine, as long as I made the sure the events flowed back and forth between the upper and lower levels.

The support from Willie and Barkley coming into this was even more than I hoped for. They both not only answered my random questions, they regularly called and texted just to check in. Willie's decision to make Valkyrie a qualifier for the Women's Pro Championship was icing on the cake. Planning a show is interesting. There's a lot of things to do right at the beginning...then there's a lot of waiting around, collecting registrations...then the last two weeks hit. And you run like a maniac. Goodbye sleep.

Somehow, I made it to Friday. The majority of the competitors took advantage of 24 hour weigh ins, so I got to see a lot of the girls early on. Many of them made weight on the first try. A very determined few missed on their first shot....went to sweat it out for a while...just to come back and nail it. I learned I'm a softy; my inner competitor knows the feeling and wanted to let them slide. But every one of them had a great attitude about it and, in the end, every woman ended up in the weight class she planned for. Friday night we did a little prep to the gym, clearing out extra equipment and getting ready for the next morning. I was so wiped out, I barely kept my eyes open to shovel food in before dropping into bed.

Before I knew it, the alarm was going off on Saturday morning. Admittedly, I had startled awake several times during the night, convinced I had missed the alarm and was going to be late to weigh ins. One might say I was a bit anxious. We got to the gym in time to meet up with Jon, who was delivering the shirts. I thought they turned out pretty damn nice. Paul stepped up to run check in/shirts for the competitors and to collect the spectator donation (bless his heart), and Andrea managed the USS memberships. Mary assisted with the final few weigh ins, while I tied up some last minute details. I was reminded of what wonderful friends I have, as several more stepped up to help with weights and event setup, keeping us running smoothly all day long. Mary and Jessie kept scores recorded and got them to Crystal, who tracked the entire contest with no hiccups. The gym filled up quickly with competitors, and it was time for rules before I knew it. 

We ran two platforms for 18" deadlift. The event flew by, and I hardly knew where to look to keep up with all of the lifts. It became a game of "turn and cheer and turn and cheer and turn and cheer" until I thought my voice might be gone already. These ladies pulled some incredibly impressive weight. Weighing in for the 123 class, Erin Janowicz pulled a whopping 405 - that's over 3x her bodyweight! Watching Rachael Thatcher effortlessly pull 505 was a thing of beauty. She's a continuously impressive athlete...as well as a fantastic human being. I've watched her compete in the past, and she sets the bar for sportsmanship every single time. She is a serious competitor when it's go time, but in between you can see her chatting with the other ladies, giving tips and advice, and joking around.

Conan's wheel came up next. Every woman visibly put in max effort on this event, whether they were practically sprinting or doggedly putting one foot in front of the other. Willie and I had a good laugh at the way the cheering would follow the woman on the Conan's in a wave around the circle, from the competitors to the judges to the spectators and around again. 

Viking press followed. Some of the ladies repped out their weight like it was nothing. The overhead game in that gym was strong. There's not much more to say about this one. For going one at a time, this event seemed to be done before I knew it. Probably because I was busy running back and forth to get the carry medley set up.

Everyone moved to the upper level for the carry medley. Each division had 4 objects of varying weight, to be carried down 30' then run back up and over the line before grabbing the next. This had been a little....controversial....when it was posted. The weights were heavy and 4 objects is a lot to move in under 60 seconds. However, after running through it myself with the LW open objects, I determined it could, in fact, be done. Especially since the weight for the loadable husafell ended up dropping drastically. Many of the women got through 3 objects, some nearly finished with the fourth. But a handful completed the entire medley. See?! Told you it could be done! Christina Bangma finished it the fastest of any of the competitors, with 4 whole seconds to spare. I can attest, by the time you reach the last object, you end up damn near puke point. Every person who finished it should have gotten an award for that alone. An alarming number of people ended up body slamming the kegs, and I thought for sure one of the kegs would explode before the event was done for the sheer number of times they were slammed down. Thankfully, everything held together just fine. And so did all of the women, though some gained a few minor battle wounds.

Final event was stone over bar for reps. This was the most impressive display, after the deadlifts, as we were able to run three lanes at a time. These woman could move stones!! Someone even swore they saw Elizabeth Carpenter slam dunk the 175 one handed. The stones are fickle, and I personally have a love-hate relationship with the things. Some days they cooperate beautifully, and some days they fight back. No matter whether they got 0 or 10+, every single woman put 100% effort into moving those stones. It was beautiful. Badass award of the day goes to Grace Larned - she was running strong all day in the novice <148 class. When she got to stones, she tossed the first one over the bar...then the second...and slammed it right down onto her toe. Unfazed, she continued to rep something like 9 more in her 60 seconds. She later received a diagnosis of a hairline fracture and several stitches as an additional award for her badassery. 

We had some great sponsors, as well as some beautiful handmade necklaces for awards. The 2nd and 3rd place finishers in every division received a necklace and a gift certificate from Ladies Lift Here. First place finishers received a mini sword (Novices) or valkyrie battle axe (Open), a pair of socks from The Sox Box, a gift certificate from Ladies Lift Here, a shirt and protein from Nxt Level Labs, and a necklace. Each 1st place novice qualified for Nationals 2016. The top 3 Open finishers not only qualified for Nationals, but also for the Pro Woman's Worlds in October 2016. 

Becky from Tri-Covery came in and helped keep all the bodies tuned up throughout the day. Every one of the women was amazing to watch throughout the day. Our novice classes made up half the competitor list. I'm so impressed that so many ladies were willing to face the unknown and try out a competition. And, as always, I am equally impressed by the effort of our seasoned competitors. I cannot accurately describe to you the feeling in the gym yesterday. Everyone cheered for everyone else. Experienced women not only encouraged the novices, they willingly shared advice and welcomed them into the sport. The air buzzed with all of the excitement.

Overall....I'm going to call it a success. It's a very interesting experience being on this side of a contest. While I make a habit of thanking every promoter for shows that I compete in....I feel like I need to go back and send them gift baskets and hugs. This is not for the faint of heart! Holy cow. But it was so much fun, stress and all. 

We raised $1,800 for a Detroit domestic violence shelter, between registrations and spectator donations. I'll be posting an update on Facebook after I talk with them tomorrow. I'd like to get the money to them this week, so hopefully it'll be especially helpful coming up on Christmas and the new year. My nice new friend Mike with Attack Hunger - a Detroit-based charity that raises money for 4 different programs that help at-risk women and children in the city - pointed me in this shelter's direction. If you're looking for a great cause to support, check out Attack Hunger.

So what now? Now I start a new program cycle and train toward my next contest as a competitor. And, after I catch up on sleep, I'll start planning for the July iteration of Valkyrie. So stay tuned, because we'll do it all again July 2016. 

Sometimes I talk Strongman...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hlgzo1fAsFY&feature=youtu.be

I did that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go stop sweating from so much focused attention.

Adventures and such...

Let's do the damn thing.

Teeny, tiny, shrunken baby Tank is back to it. Time to get back into the groove. Had a conversation with my coach tonight and committed to starting a training program again next week.

Some things have to change. I've got to hold myself accountable to it all....consistent training, eating like a damn athlete again, keeping my head in the game. Work be damned. It's getting better...I can now get myself to the gym. I'm not utterly exhausted. Though I've been fighting off migraines and some mystery illness this week, I'm on the upswing. It's time to start making moves.

So next week we begin again. I've got goals and plenty of room to grow.

In the meantime....only a couple details left to wrap up for Valkyrie this weekend. I am absolutely beside myself with excitement. Not to mention slightly overwhelmed at all of the support that's poured in to help make this event happen. It's a rush to see things come together and click into place. I am so ready for Saturday (even if the competitors would like to enjoy their deload week a liiiiiittle longer), I don't know how I'll even sleep on Friday night. Just waiting on shirts and have a couple of odd things here and there to snag. If I'm lucky, I'll even manage to sneak in a little training session during the day on Friday while hanging out at the gym for weigh ins. Perhaps in one of my little time gaps.

And in other exciting news....I've been asked to do an interview tomorrow. Live. On the internets (shut up, boys, I can hear the smart ass comments from here). This very cool project called Women Empower Active through UR Sportswear does live interviews on YouTube with active women to tell their stories and talk about their active adventures. And somehow I ended up on their radar and was asked to participate. So if you want to watch me ramble on about how awesome Strongman is and be extra, extra awkward, I'll post the link on my Facebook and Instagram. Folks can even comment questions on those posts for them to pick from for part of the interview.

Big things, my friends. Life is an adventure and these next few weeks promise to hold plenty of challenges. Stay tuned.