Ch-ch-ch-changes

My gym is going through a change. A massive change.

Most humans don't like change. Even when they want it, they're still scared of it. And when they don't want it....well, just watch the battle ensue. This particular change has been odd in that I'm in a weird position of watching it from both the outside and the inside. And so, what follows, is my attempt to make sense of it. To sort out my thoughts. From my own perspective. I speak for no one and I don't presume to know what others think or feel. But I can express my own thoughts and feelings, because a little processing never hurt anyone.

I don't know all the details of exactly why the situation kicked off or how it ended up becoming what it is. It's not my business. Frankly, I don't want to know. All I would end up getting is one side or the other, which only serves to be divisive. The truth is always somewhere in the middle. Humans are fallible and shit happens. So whatever the reasons, here we are. There's a new "head coach" and the building is undergoing some renovations. There's a requirement for programming and certifications. There are new personalities in the mix. And old personalities. And all kinds of emotions. A perfect powder keg waiting to explode.

The problem is not so much the fact that it has exploded....it's more that it's become an ongoing, slow-motion explosion. People have very strong feelings on all sides about what is going on. And they are expressing them. Sometimes not in a professional manner, sometimes not in a helpful manner, but definitely expressing them because that's what we humans do when we feel out of control, wronged, angry, and any other host of negative emotions.

And so, some folks - like myself - have found themselves in a funky spot. You see, many people have opted to leave the gym. That happens. It's completely understandable. It doesn't feel the same. The vibe is different. The people are different. People don't want the change and/or don't like how it's been delivered or implemented. There's bad blood between people. All reasons I can logically understand for why people are angry and need to vent it out. All legit reasons to not be around. You have to do what's best for you, and I'm certainly not going to judge anyone for it.

But those of us who are still there - what few, for now, as the change continues and people continue to bid adieu - for whatever reasons we are (I'll get to mine soon), are left to hear and see what others feel. We listen to angry feelings spilling out in person, as everyone tries to make sense of what's going on. We watch emotions go by on social media - some expressed eloquently and thoughtfully, some couched as "jokes", some splattered in comments like jagged bits seething with anger and hurt. Some expressing issue with particular people. Some mocking the gym as a whole.

I appreciate the genuine discussions I've had with some people about it - folks who are really just sad or missing what used to be, who are looking to recapture that, who feel backed into a corner and are sorting themselves out. What becomes awkward is the lashing out. The "jokes". The blanket judgements on the people still there as a whole. Because, though people will say "Oh, but I don't mean you"....come the fuck on. What the hell do you say in response to these things when you are still there? Still part of it? To people who you consider friends and certainly have absolutely zero ill will toward and would still jump in a heartbeat to help if they needed it? The answer: you say nothing. You just sit back and watch it go by. Let people vomit their feelings out any time it comes up. Because they are upset and hurt and angry and they are your friends. So you tolerate it. Until the day comes when you finally get tired of the negativity and the same old damn conversation - then you draw a kind but necessary boundary of asking them not to talk about it with you anymore and you unfollow their social media until the chaos dies down.

Because eventually you have to let shit go. You cannot embrace change - whatever that might look like - and move forward if you're still living in the past, still anchored by the negative feelings.

Why, then, am I still there? I've been thinking this over a lot. And here's what it comes down to:

I am an athlete.

Bear with me here...there's reasons I state it this way. It took a long, long time for me to start thinking of myself as an athlete. I still have miles and miles to go in my sport. I am an amateur. And will likely always be an amateur. I do strongman because it makes me happy. I enjoy it. It's fun. But I've not thought of myself as an athlete until lately. It took going through competitions....and nationals...to finally come around to it. So much of strength sports (and many other sports, for that matter) is a mental game. I have goals. I make it priority. I manage my nutrition, my training, much of my free time...around my sport. If I don't think of myself as an athlete, I'm doing myself a disservice in truly getting into the mental state I need to be to give my training and competitions 100%. That doesn't mean strongman is my life. It does mean that I make it priority.

My top priority in the gym is training. I've long trained alone, whether it was bodybuilding or strongman. The only time I trained with others regularly was when I did CrossFit, because it's built upon the community aspect. Don't get me wrong...I love the community aspect. I love being around others with similar goals and motivation and interests. It's necessary. And I cite one of the main reasons I continue to love strongman is because of the community and the family I've gained there. But training time is training time. It's not social time. In order to do the work, to meet my own personal goals, I have to put in the time. I have many other hours in the day to be social. I have those handful of hours every week to engage in the process. Those are sacred to me. That's my time.

Therefore, I don't give a shit about training partners. I don't care what the gym looks like. It makes no difference to me if I'm lifting in a gym or a garage, whether the walls are white or pink or polka dot, if I have buddies there to say hello to. What does matter to me is whether I have the equipment I need. Whether I can get in when I need to, access the weights and implements, be able to do what I need to do.

I make up my people time by meeting with the strongman group. That's my chance to interact with others in the sport, both established and new. And I cherish that as much as I do my training time. But I still care more that they have the equipment needed than what our space looks like. The people make the difference. Though this is the reason many have decided to go - this is part of why I've decided to stay.

You see, the second reason I remain - my loyalty lies, first and foremost, with my strongman group. I am wherever they need me to be. This is a central location for everyone and has the basic equipment needed. They have become part of my family. And to leave them, to unsettle everything this group has steadily built over the past year, because of my own personal things.....that would be selfish. And unnecessary. We have been offered the opportunity to remain and grow. The support required to continue building on the foundation we have already made. So....here we are. Here we stay.

Some people need the social aspect. They want the atmosphere. That is their priority. It's completely legitimate and those folks should absolutely be somewhere that meets those requirements for them. If we're going to speak in cliches, everyone is on their own journey. They have to do whatever it is that makes them happy.


Though I despise the lack of punctuation and run-on sentence...the sentiment remains true.

I'm still not sure why I'm writing this all out. I suppose I just need to get it off my chest. Whether people like it...if they agree or disagree...it is what it is. So I'll continue training...building up strongman in any way possible...supporting my friends and being an ear for them whenever needed...promoting my contests and welcoming new folks into the family...having adventures...doing all the things that make me happy.

Things will change and change some more. Life will carry on. And we'll all just keep on doing the best we can with what we have.

And The Tank Carries On

I train alone. I mean, I'm in a gym full of people. But I have no training partners on a regular basis. Often, I prefer it this way. I like to focus on my training, without worrying about what anyone else is doing. I take every session seriously. Not life and death seriously - I've reiterated several times that this is all just amateur strongman and not the be-all-end-all of life. But the kind of serious that one should be when one has a top priority goal to improve and get stronger.

But my bff/strongman sister and I also made an agreement to try to train together 1-2 times a month. After all, being on opposite sides of the state is only a hassle if we get hit with a blizzard. We learned earlier last year that we click as training partners....we can be social and have fun, while still staying on task and focusing on the workout. And when the going gets rough, we each know what the other needs to hear to get her head straight.

I can be an asshole when I'm training....I'm of the thought that when hands are on a bar/implement, mouths are shut. I get annoyed with dicking around and frustrated when people seem to be taking their sweet ass time for no reason at all. And I could damn near explode if someone is playing the humble brag game or has to constantly one-up everyone training with them. Therefore, I find it easiest to train on my own and spend time around others as either a coach or cheerleader. Conveniently, Jessie has a very similar working style.

Also rather convenient for this plan: we share a coach. He was more than happy to work with us on this. We give him a heads up for planned training together days, and he sends us the same programming for that day. So this weekend, we got to set the wheel in motion and train together once again.

We busted ass through log clean and presses, after minimal-ish bitching about it. We had to run a stone series through carry and loads.....awkward, but a surprisingly fun challenge. Yoke runs felt great. It was only the second time in this training cycle I've been back under one, but every bit of it felt solid and just clicked. We closed out with a burner of 200 barbell curls. In between sets we shook out our arms and laughed and commiserated on how bad we'd have t-rex arms tomorrow. After training, we went shopping and ate. Through it all, we talked about life and joked around and got in that necessary recharging time you only get when you spend time with certain people. All-in-all, a day that was needed both physically and mentally.

I've now rounded out 5 weeks of training. Heading into week 6, I'm feeling damn good. Most days in the gym are nothing epic. Just go in, put in the work, and go home to eat. I'm not slamming PRs every week. Some of the movements are still a struggle after so much time off (I'm looking at you, dips). But I'm seeing progress. Every week is a little better.  I don't fatigue as fast. I'm not wrecked after a workout, just a little sore in the appropriate places when DOMS hits. My numbers are steadily increasing. I'm trusting the programming and trying to appreciate the process. Really putting trust in a program and following it to a T can be difficult when you're newer to strength sports. I've noticed it as a significant indicator of maturing in the sport, in both myself and others. It's hard to resist the allure of constantly maxing and doing the "fun lifts"....the grind of steady progress and struggling with the lifts you suck at (and that often aren't quite as fun to watch on social media) can screw with your mind. But the longterm payoff is so worth it.

What's made the difference these past few weeks? Investing in food prep for my lunches and gym-night dinners has helped keep me eating not only healthy foods, but also enough calories to fuel training and recovery. It's much easier to take care of breakfast each day, and to only worry about cooking on nights out of the gym and weekends. You don't realize what an effect nutrition has on your body and its physical abilities until you make a change and see the payout.

The other contributing factor? My coach. Brandon is the shit. There are a lot of really fantastic coaches out there. I've had some great ones in the past who I still adore and think very highly of. My current coach not only individualizes my training for my goals and adjusts as necessary.....he has a great sense of humor about it. It makes a world of difference when your personality clicks with someone you're working with on a weekly basis. He doesn't just focus on the lifts...he looks at the big picture. I check in with him about my nutrition. More importantly, he knows how I get in my head and some of the mental blocks I've struggled with. He checks in on these things, is supportive when I need it....and knocks me out of my own head when necessary. Just as not every competition is for everyone, not every coach is for everyone. But I do highly suggest to many people that ask me about programming and training that they check out Lift Big Eat Big and have a chat with Brandon.

And so...onward I go.