I'm ready for adventure.
A couple years ago, I finally sat down and wrote out a "bucket list". I'd always had a list of things I'd like to do some day. I figured if I put them in writing, I'd feel a little more accountable with them staring back at me. And it worked. I started chipping away at goals....some that I really thought were a long reach or might be years and years before they happened. The trip to Montana was a big item off that list......for some reason, I had always wanted to go. I'm not sure why. I couldn't name it. I just felt drawn to go there. One day, I was sitting at a training seminar with a coworker chatting about trips we'd like to take, and Montana came up. In that moment, I made a decision to go ahead and book a trip. Potentially going alone was a very scary idea, but I also decided that if I didn't have anyone I'd like to go with me, I'd ultimately be fine going on my own. Of course, I didn't end up going alone, it was a wonderful trip, and I have so many great memories from it. When I got to Montana, I just felt....home. What actually pushed that trip into existence, though, was my declaration to those around me that I was going. I put it out into the world, held myself accountable, and made it happen.
This list may or may not be how I ended up taking a leap into competitive Strongman.
This week I've been chatting with a kindred spirit who is out in the world living her adventures. She's a pretty awesome human, and we have quite a few things in common. If you've ever felt completely out of place in the world, pretty much at all times, then you know how invaluable it is to come across the handful of people you end up having in your life who get it. Like-minded folks. She has inspired me.
I realized I've settled into checking off the "safer" things on my list. Time to push myself back out of my comfort zone. So I've started adding to my list, no holds barred.
I've started my metalsmithing class. One might think that taking a class is no big deal. My anxiety stretches into the social end. That meant dealing with meeting a whole bunch of new people. It meant traveling to a campus I'd never been to before and finding a classroom for the first time. It also meant taking a leap into an activity for which I have zero reference to scale how I might do it in it. I can do basic wire wrapping and beading, but intricate jewelry and metal work is brand new to me. I'm also no artist when it comes to drawing. I paint mostly abstract and nature, so that means sketching out the designs in my head can get a little iffy. And until I finish my first piece, who knows if I'm any good at this. I consider myself relatively creative, and I love hands-on activities, but this is all new. So far...I really love it. I have an idea and it's slowly taking shape. I'm excited to see how this piece works out.
And now I'm adding some new destinations to my list. I plan to take my shiny new passport and get myself out into the world later this year. Later this summer, there'll be a road trip east (Maine, Vermont, etc.), because I've never been out there. Later this year.....I'm off to another continent. It must happen. It will happen. And here I'll hold myself accountable. So as plans develop, I'll be updating on it.
There's no time for living other people's expectations. And I am certainly not content to just work my life away. The "American dream" is not my dream. Someone else can have the picket fence and the 2.5 kids. My dreams do include a partner in life. But that partner has to keep step with me. That doesn't mean being attached at the hip at all times. It means having someone who loves me and respects me and lets me flex my wings...but who knows that I love him in return and need that human contact and that grounding force, and that I'm always 100% loyal and more than happy to have someone who wants to adventure along with me. I want someone who is in it for the good, exciting, fun times...as well as for the anxious, difficult, and sad times. Because that's life, babe. The rest of my dreams include adventure. I want to see the world - in whatever ways I can make that happen. I want to work a job that's fulfilling. I don't expect every day to be sunshine and rainbows, but I want to feel that spark to be there doing things to help others. I want to add something to the word....not be someone who gets mired in negativity and petty bullshit. I want to live my life with kindness and compassion. I'd rather live minimally and put that paycheck toward the things I enjoy doing. I want to spend my time at home creating things and reading books and just indulging in the things that make me feel content. I want to go to the gym and lift things and go to competitions with my friends. I just want to experience life. All of it. Not just drone on through it and endure the daily grind until it's too late to do any of those things.
For a while, I tried to convince myself that these things were the kind of things you only idealistically believe in your early 20s...when you're young and a little naive and optimistic. But then I realized that isn't true. Who the hell says that getting older means not being optimistic or idealistic? Who says that you can't hope for something more than the 9-5 and bills and responsibility? Who says it means letting life pin you down and just settling for whatever sounds most "adult"?
Don't get me wrong. Plenty of people want the family. They want the house. And the dog (okay, I also want the dog). And the stability. And the predictability. And you know what? That's just fine. That's fantastic. If you want that and you have that, then you're living the life you want to be. And that's important. I'm not saying any of those things are less than or not good. I'm saying they're not for me. Except the dog. One day, the dog will be for me...
...when I don't live in a dog-free building.
These are the things that have been on my mind lately. This is what's rolling through my brain at midnight when I'm supposed to be sleeping. This is what I'm writing about in journals and picturing when adding to my list.
So....now I'm going to go try to sleep. I've got a fire truck to pull in the morning with my team of amazing Strongladies. And symmetrical flowers of decreasing sizes to draw so I can cut them out of metal sheets on Tuesday. Which will literally take me at least 2 more days to perfect.
