Wee Lil' Update....I'm Still Kickin'

Brutus welcomes you back to the blog.

The winds are shifting. Things are changing, I'm changing, the whole damn world is different. And it's difficult to tell what changed first.

I'm in a weird grey area with some things in my life. I'm trying to sit with the uncertainty, just let it be grey until a good move is apparent. That's a hard thing to do when you're a Type A, anxious person. I want resolution and answers and comfort. I want the expected. I want plans. But I can't have those things. So I need to learn to just let it be. Until it isn't.


Here's what I do know:

I love this jewelry class. My confidence is slowly growing as I work on new pieces. My flower pendant got a very lovely critique from the professor. That made me feel pretty good. Like hey, maybe I'm not too bad at this....not as bad as I feared, for sure. I've already finished a second piece and am in the final stages of a third. This next project can be multiple pieces, but it must include a handmade chain and a bezel setting. I've made one chain. I'm almost done with my very first ring. It's not perfect, definitely has that handmade feel....but I shall wear that sucker proudly once it's set and polished. Because I made that thing from some pieces of metal and a stone. I've already got plans for a pendant and another, more elaborate ring. Then I need to decide on what my final piece will be. I'm absolutely loving this.

So proud, if it were flat, I'd have my Madre hang it on the fridge.

So now my task is to figure out how much of this setup I can create for myself at home. I want to continue building these skills and creating things once this class is done. Once I no longer have access to the lab, I'll be needing the work space and torch and pickle and the whole shebang to do the thing on my own. Hmmmm.

I also know there is more adventure in store. A fun, scary, exciting one is in the works for next month.....I'm not confirming what it is until it's here though. Talk about facing your fears. That I shall.

There's also a major trip in the works. This would mean no road trip out east this summer, but it also means an extra week of play and exploration elsewhere. So I'll likely take a long weekend this summer and go see my grandparents. They're my most favorite humans in the whole wide world, and I miss them fiercely. My grandma just sent me a surprise package - a pretty little crocheted sparkly scarf - just because. And I reminded me that I don't talk with them nearly enough, and I definitely don't take enough opportunities to go see them. So away I shall go. Meanwhile....overseas awaits. I am so beyond pumped for this trip that I can't even stand myself. I'm looking at pictures and researching places to go and every pictures just draws my mind off and away.

See why I can't concentrate?

Mini-trips also await, in the form of camping and beach time and just some quality face time with some people I hold dear. I plan to spend time this summer hiking and swimming. And I'll be getting plenty of relaxation in my hammock. Because every summer, I tell myself I'll do these things, then get mired down in working....I end up so exhausted and limit what I "have time for". Which is a damn lie. I've got time to go have fun. I just need to spend the time on the fun instead of laying on my couch being a damn hermit.

I've also crept back toward my roots. I've started re-reading some books I have - and also fully reading some that have just been hanging out on my bookshelf for years.

Zen mind...shut up and relax, mind.

For those who don't know, I've studied Buddhism since high school. It's always just drawn me. Religions in general draw me - likely for the same reason I like studying human behavior. I want to know why people believe what they do. And absolutely love the various backgrounds and myths and stories that go with so many of them. Especially Eastern religions. I took a Hinduism class in college, but never got a chance to take the Buddhism one. I use to attend a Tibetan Buddhist temple in Ann Arbor. I still peek in on their media from time to time, but the drive is just not feasible on a regular basis from out here. I don't really talk religion often, mostly because it's deeply personal for people and it can be difficult to have an objective conversation that doesn't get taken personally or become some sort of defense-tinted stream of monologue. Mostly this, for me, is about centering myself and giving myself the space to work out what is going on and what I need. Who couldn't use a quieter, calmer mind and a little bit of perspective?

As for the rest of life.....it'll all work out. I'll just have to practice some patience and some well-timed decisiveness. 

In the meantime, I'm saying yes to things. Trying new things. Working on adding to that "adventure" list. And steadily checking things off of it. I will not be one-dimensional. I will not be in a box. 

Go onward, friends. Try something new, talk to a stranger, take a leap off the edge of your comfort zone. It's awfully fun out here. 

Plus, I always have this guy when I get home:

Don't stare at his cute little face or teeny tiny paw too long, or your head will explode.