Life has been a whole different ballgame over the last couple of months. I still have no idea what I want or need to do about my career. Thinking about it too much ends up being overwhelming. So I ponder it, leave it alone, and then revisit it. Will I stay where I am? Will I make a move? Will I leave social work altogether? Who knows.
Today, I made a move on a couple major things, though. I start a new programming cycle next week. I committed to a strength cycle with my coach. I want something low pressure and just fun, to get stronger and enjoy the perks of training strongman. I'll probably volunteer at some more contests, as well as working on Midsummer Valkyrie for July. I'm so pumped for round 2 of Valkyrie! The major move here, though, is a new gym. I'll now be at New Species, which is a great facility owned by an awesome dude. I'm really pumped. And that will be the host gym for Valkyrie....it's an exciting move that will lead to an even better contest.
I've suspended classes at Tough. My licensure is up for renewal and I have a ton of CEUs to get still. My work is offering Tuesday/Thursday classes for a few weeks to help us out, and I really cannot say no to that. Not to mention that I'll be headed off on vacation in a few weeks! When I get back, I'm hoping to tie up the major details to offer the opportunity for Strongman folks to meet and train. We will be offering a group there, and the same rules will apply - anyone and everyone will be welcome. I know a lot of people have made moves elsewhere already....hopefully a few folks will want to at least come weekly. If not, I'll embrace my own training time and leave the door open for anyone down the road.
I also let go of my private practice office. I've been unhappy with some of the things my landlord has done over the past 6+ months, which led to me not wanting to stay and therefore not really working to add to my caseload. Since it's been subleased to not one, but TWO other people, it definitely does not feel like my own space. And the original agreement for me to be able to grow into the space disappeared with the first sublease. So I made the very bittersweet choice to not re-sign my lease. Maybe, at some point down the road, I'll pick up some private clients. I do still enjoy doing therapy. So I won't close that door entirely. The sense of relief I felt once I officially confirmed it speaks volumes, though.
What else.....I've registered for a summer session class at the community collage. In a cliche, in-my-30s move, I'm going to go take a class for funsies. I've been wanting to learn metal smithing to be able to flex my creative muscle on some jewelry. Looked up classes, found a couple local places....and it's still cheaper to go with this option. It'll make for some long days for about 6 weeks. But I'm looking forward to getting the skills under my belt. I've been enjoying painting so much and have been learning so many new things about technique, color, mediums, etc. I really do just love it. I'm hoping expanding my options for creativity gives me even more avenues to explore and enjoy.
Life is getting better. It got very dark and very scary for a while. To the point that I started, for the first time in my life, having panic attacks. They hit out of nowhere. And my world started getting very small. After a couple hitting on the highway, I stopped wanting to drive very far for anything. I didn't even like having to drive to and from work. After a couple hitting at bed time, I stopped sleeping in my room and slept on the couch for a couple of weeks, falling asleep to the television. After a couple near misses at work and while hanging out with friends, I stopped going much of anywhere other than to work. I couldn't control them and had no idea when they would happen. So I hid. From people. From things I loved. From life. This is wildly embarrassing to admit. I know I'm human and it happens. But it's an awful, awful thing to be able to help others with the exact same problem you cannot stop for yourself. The good news? I'm working through it. And it's been almost 3 weeks since the last one. A couple have threatened, but I'm learning to pick up cues and navigate through them. Daylight has returned.
And no post is complete without mentioning this guy:
I love him. He's so sweet and fuzzy and just so darn adorable. I'm a crazy hedgie lady. He's the perfect pet for me. And I could just burst when he snuggles in, then peeks around to look at me from time to time. Best little buddy ever.
Basically, here's how I'd sum up life these days: more of the happy-making things, less of the stress-making things. Weeding out anything that doesn't add to my life. Embracing everything that brings joy and contentment. Isn't that how it should be anyway?
No comments:
Post a Comment