What are you grateful for?
I don't mean the standard "oh yes, I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach" kind of grateful. Of course those are wonderful things. And, of course, I know that not everyone has those. But if you stop and think right this moment about what brings you absolute joy...what makes you giddy happy....what would those things be? They shift and change over time, but right now, I've got a few things. And I'm trying to keep these in the forefront of my mind when I get stressed out or anxious.
Jul Valkyrie is one of those things. I am absolutely floored every time I get an entry, look at the list, and realize how many women are coming to compete in this thing. Each time a new piece to the planning comes together, I get a little rush. Having an idea start to become tangible...it's amazing. The immense support from so many people, especially the contingent of seasoned strongmen...talk about grateful. I don't even have words for how it feels to know so many have your back and will make an effort to help just for the sake of helping. This community is beautiful.
Along with that goes watching the group that has been diligently training at Tough for this competition. These women have all grown in leaps and bounds. Seeing them progress, the pride on their faces when they lift something heavier or move something faster, hearing the confidence emerge in their voices when they talk about lifting...yes. That's it, man.
Lifting again, just for the pleasure of it. My little atlas stone finally made its way home this week. I immediately proceeded to practice some stone-to-shoulders and carry it around. I did some tire flips, just because I can. And this week, I'll go do some squats and deads and whatever else tickles my fancy. Taking the pressure off to be competing or working toward some set goal right at this moment has made a world of difference. I want to be in the gym again.
Writing. I've been making a slow return to my favorite creative endeavor. I always wished that I was a visually creative person. I really admire artists who create beautiful things with paper and pencil and paint and clay and any other medium that goes from blank or non-existent to a tangible thing. And by beautiful, I don't mean something pretty to look at. I mean art that makes you feel something, whether it's hyper-realistic or bizarre or surreal. That goes for those inclined to make art of the audible kind. Musicians are amazing. I've played instruments, though never anything completely mastered. I always wanted to learn to play by ear (I was a classically trained violinist who can still sight-read sheet music but can't listen and repeat back a damn thing on violin). My brother can play any damn instrument put in front of him. Music has always been a core part of life...I grew up in a house full of music and developed a strong love of many genres. But to express myself through it? Not my forte. Words have always been my art. I love words. My other major in college was linguistics, and I regularly nerd out and read books on the topic. I love grammar and syntax and phonetics. I love novels and poetry...dark, deep topics and light playful memoirs and love poems. There are times I feel overwhelmed with a need to write. About many things. I have piles of short stories. Journals and notebooks full of random bits and pieces. At any given time, a couple of plots and characters are running around in my brain. I've been making time to sit and write, even if it comes out to be a random addition to my journal. It feels so good to do.
The people in my life....that is what I am most grateful for. I have the most amazing, creative, fun, kind, sarcastic, weird, supportive people ever around me. The folks who I consider "my people"...that small circle of trusted humans has been the secret weapon against all of the anxiety and struggle. And my someone is one human I'm especially thankful for. He makes me laugh, lets me vent, adds an extra dimension of weirdness that my life would otherwise be without. I am so very thankful for that. He doesn't bat an eye when I ask to ship battle axes to his house, encourages all of my endeavors (even if he doesn't quite understand all of it), is the voice of reason when I get all hot-headed about situations at work, and willingly dives into adventures with me. And he'd get all bashful and pink in the face if he read this - just like he does when I tell him he's my favorite human. I rarely talk about my personal life in much detail, because it is just that: personal. It's mine to have without the world needing to know a damn thing about it. But if I'm being really honest about this topic, then it should be mentioned. Because it's truly the thing at the top of my gratitude list. Even if the superstitious part of my brain screams "don't talk about it or you'll jinx it!".
So this is where I am these days. It's beautiful.
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